Wednesday, April 15, 2015

How To Entertain Yourself

 Road trips are fun. I'm on one now. My ex-boss, who I love more than Richard Burton originally loved Elizabeth Taylor, is having his 80th birthday party this upcoming week-end. It will take place in Punta Gorda, Florida. Yes, it's a 16 hour drive but he's more than worth the trip.
If you knew him you'd agree.

I took off from Dublin, Ohio two days ago. At my age I'm good for about a 7 hour drive. I'll stop and visit what I think are interesting sites. Mostly, I'll keep these in mind for a blog. This time, after cruising along on I-75 in Tennessee there wasn't much worthwhile for me pull over. There was one thing that caught my attention. A hearse in front of me was sporting a license plate reading: Dead 1.
You will not see that in Iowa.

NEWSFLASH-Have I written this before? I don't think so. For the last three weeks I have given up on Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, anything of a political nature on the radio. The same goes for television. The result is mind is more focused. I don't get frustrated and swear nearly as much as I used to. I'm happier.

I drove, in the last two days, 12 hours and not once did I turn on the radio. In my car I carry a cache of CD's. It would be impossible to list the singers who fit into my carrier. They range from my very all-time favorite, Patsy Cline to my new found ones, Frankie Vallie and the Four Seasons.

If you want to know more about my likes I'm a huge fan of BB King. He once played in Davenport, Iowa to a full house and my wife and I were the only white people in attendance.

Shania Twain  is high on my list of singers. Did you know I once sat in her favorite bar seat in Timmons, Ontario? Not only is she my fantasy babe she is also a fabulous singer. This afternoon I was playing her CD and singing along with it. A song came on and I began bellowing it out loud, It's titled: "I feel like a woman" I got half way through and thought, this is stupid. I can't .feel like a woman because I'm not a woman. So I turned it off and put on Elton John. He might feel like a woman, or not. But he's an excellent singer.

Monday, April 13, 2015

A Wee Bit About Jordan Speith

Even if you don't care about golf you should become familiar with young Jordan Speith. He won the Masters yesterday and, selfishly, I couldn't be happier. The young man is going to change the face of golf. It will become what it used to be; a gentlemen's game.

Golf is my passion. I'm about as proficient at the game as a man without arms trying to play marbles by using his chest. I've had some ups in the game but many more downers. It doesn't matter. At my age this is what the game offers: the camaraderie of being with good friends. The fun of giving these old boys the needle when then screw up then laughing about it. I love looking at the terrain, walking to the green for a putt after placing my previous shot on the green. I like when the sun is out, the grass is emerald green and the clouds are billowy white in the sky.

Three years ago I asked my then 8 year-old grandson to name is favorite golfer. He said it was Tiger Woods. I almost threw up. Then I asked him the question, "Why"? Luckily for me and 8 year-olds everywhere he told me, "Because he's the only one I know". To that I said, "Whew"!

Jordan Speith is the antithesis of Tiger. He's polite and is quietly appreciative his skills. He doesn't scowl at his opponents but gives them a thumbs up after they've pulled off a great shot. He gives credit to his parents for keeping him grounded in life. I hope he stays that way and the chances of that are better than 100%.

A reporter asked him this question.(And you do know how I feel about reporters, sports ones, especially). "To what do you owe your humbleness"? Jordan's response was a classic. "If I answered the question then I wouldn't be humble".

So, this is what we are going to see. No more cursing on the course from the supposed greatest golfer who ever lived(Ahem--see Jack Nicklaus), no more temper tantrums, no more fist pumps, no more me, me, me. From Jordan Speith we will not witness little black books full of names of hookers and, finally, we will not be privy to the information that a 9 iron found a home in the back window of his
Cadillac Escalade.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Engagement Rings: "What Are They Good For? Absolutely Nuthin"

About six months ago I began looking at the rings women wear on the third finger of their left hand. The reason for this is because I bought my wife a second engagement ring last fall. I felt I owed to her; sorta, kinda.

We became engaged July 20, 1969 immediately after I had taken a coaching, teaching position in Storm Lake, Iowa.

We walked across Lake Street from my downtown apartment and gazed in the window of the local jeweler. Rings, even back then weren't inexpensive. My fiancĂ©' had stars in her eyes and all I could think about were dollar signs.

Eventually we settled on a diamond that cost $175.00. The stone was half the size of a bb. I laid twenty bucks on the counter as a down payment. The future Mrs. loaned me the rest. Not bad, huh?

Anyway, I thought this was good because if this whole marriage thing didn't work out she could keep the stone and I'd only be out only a double sawbuck.

Ten years ago or so the diamond that could fit on the finger of Tinkerbelle fell out and was lost to the ages. Thinking positively this worked out to around $3.00 per year or less.

I don't know why men do this but my conscience started bothering me about my wife not having glitter on her hand. I did a minimal amount of research on diamonds(Zales, Diamonds R' Us) but then my neighbor intervened. He had a good friend who was world famous in this department. He set us up to see the fella in Chattanooga, Tennessee who could design a bauble for us(her). And he did.

The stone my wife picked out was nice but not as big as the Queen Mary. It was functional, let people know someone liked her but also said, "don't steal this thing because it's not worth the effort"

So, three days ago, I'm lounging in the Sky Harbor airport in Phoenix with three hours to kill. I start looking at diamonds and those wearing them. This is going to be a simple to understand concept. The babes who are easy on the eyes sport the largest ones. If their other assets add to their facial features then the diamond grows exponentially. I'm wondering, though, about the guys who shell out the cash. Does buying something this large for their one and only mean other aggressive males had best stay away? Do they think because they broke the bank to buy one they can get action whenever they get the urge? Do they realize their bank account could have purchased a nice boat or Maserati?

Here's something else I've taken into consideration and I'm speaking in generalizations. The older the women the smaller the diamond. Why is this?
Women in their 30's who look exceptionally good get the largest of the large. It's nonsensical.
 Ladies should have to earn the right to sashay down the street wearing the Hope Diamond.

In the 1950's I was watching a video of Superman. Lois, Jimmy and Clark Kent were stranded on a Pacific island with no way to get off. A native tribe was holding them captive and a large diamond was missing from their pagan god's eye socket so this trio and a couple of other folks were about to suffer the consequences. Clark, aka Superman, grabbed a chunk of coal and with super human power by squeezing it in the palm of his hand fashioned a diamond and gave it to the natives. Problem solved.

My suggestion is why not have a piece of coal placed in a setting and give it to your fiancĂ©'? In time it will develop into the precious stone. If a guy doesn't plan on living for millions of years don't worry about it. For a lot of fellas marriage can seem that long.

Monday, March 30, 2015

Teddy Kennedy's Big Day

Senator Edward Kennedy, the man without a conscience, is having a building named after him. Pres. Obama wants us all to imagine how he changed society for the better. In a case of classic irony Obama and Joe Biden speaking at the opening the new Institute said:  "Kennedy had “bridged partisan divide” and Joe Biden said he was “an anchor for many of us in our personal lives  One great benefit of the Teddy legacy is that the stock in Chevas Regal was at an all time high while he was slurping and gulping. As far as I know the distiller might have gone bankrupt as of six years ago when he went to his eternal reward. Far be it from me to suggest he's in the Kingdom of Beelzebub but if he isn't then nobody deserves it more.

As a reminder I've reprinted a basic diagram of Mary Jo Kopechne as she breathed her last. While Ted was 'disoriented and exhausted from his swim' according to his official statement Ms. Kopochne suffered for three to four hours while her remaining oxygen dissipated. What a way to die. Poor Teddy, when he was interviewed by the police following the drunken accident he couldn't recall her last name.

Allow me to quote from the 'after murder' investigative report.

"She didn’t die in the accident but that she suffocated from lack of air, after having breathed all the air in the air pocket in the car, that it would have taken 3-4 hours before that happened. He testified if he had been called, he could have had her out within 25 minutes".

I wonder if her last words were, "Ted Kennedy, you rotten son of a bitch".

If you want to gag on your own vimit open the link and read more horrendous behavioral stories about the Liberal Lion of the Senate.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

The President Golfs In Florida

Mr. Obama motorcaded to the posh Floridian National Golf Club in Palm City today to play a round of golf. That would be 18 holes. It takes 4 hours on average. The trip cost the American taxpayer $849,000.00. And I haven't even gone into the carbon emissions aspect of the trip.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Please, Do Not Be A Sexist Pig

The word-police are at it again.
Yesterday, a group of “Hillary Clinton Super Volunteers” announced that they would be tracking the media’s every word, literally, to make sure there is no, wait for it, “coded sexism.”
With that, the group said journalists and reporters are not allowed to use the following words in describing Clinton during the 2016 presidential race:
  1. Polarizing
  2. Calculating
  3. Disingenuous
  4. Insincere
  5. Ambitious
  6. Inevitable
  7. Entitled
  8. Over-confident
  9. Secretive
  10. Will do anything to win
  11. Represents the past
  12. Out of touch
  13. Tone deaf
Apparently, using these words to describe Clinton make you an awful, sexist pig. So, Clinton’s people, instead, have decided that they are just going to control the narrative. Case and point: Don’t say anything bad about Clinton, unless you want to be called sexist.

Questions Of The Year About Bill Cosby

There was another article in today's news regarding the notorious Bill Cosby. This one was from the UK Daily Mail. Two women, now long in the tooth, maintain they were drugged then forced to have sex with Cosby when they were 17.

I have two questions. Is there not one women in this country, dead or alive, who has not have Mr. Cosby jump their bones? And, if these allegations are all true, why have there not been charges brought against him?